What it Feels like to Leave Job amidst a Pandemic
I have worked as an SAP Consultant for 4.5 years with two reputed MNCs. I had my relatives and friends oggling at my life, saying that I have everything so well placed in life. A good education, a good job, high salary, and good height ( for marital purposes, u know) everything so God gifted- Just perfect. By age 26, getting married and bearing at least two children was the only thing that was left in life for me to do. The End.
But did anyone ask me? And in all honesty, even if anyone asked, did I really know myself, if this perfect life is all I wanted? Was I happy? I myself didn't know, because I had the life that I did really dream of, as a child. But these were the dreams that everyone had ‘planted’ in my head, not my own.
So when I started at my job, the little escapes that I made, changed my outlook about life. I could at least figure out the moments when I was really happy, not a society-planted illusion of happiness. The job that made me spread my wings for the first time, slowly started making me miserable. The work that I was doing made me feel more disconnected with myself. After putting in all the required long hours into work, there was a hollowness, that never seemed to vanish. It took me 2 years to realize that if I keep the money, friends, the fun tea breaks aside, I actually don't like my job. On one hand when my family members were marvelling at my life path, here I was having constant thoughts of leaving the job and finding something meaningful to do with life. It took me two more years (Who’d dare to leave a high paying job in the COVID year?) to put down my papers and two more months for the realization to hit me that I am no longer in a job, and it was my own decision.
Also read: Lessons I learnt in the 2020 lockdown
I put down my papers in October 2020 and my last day was on Christmas Eve. I will admit that for every day of my 3 months notice period, I have struggled to get out of two minds, stand by my decision. The questions like is it a right decision to leave my job now, amidst this pandemic, what if it doesn't work, what if my family needs my financial help etc. etc. haunted me in my wakefulness and sleep. The only thing that assured me was I have enough savings, and I can do a couple of things like teaching, computer jobs, writing, if things got worse. “If not now then I will repent for a lifetime” was what I kept telling myself , which is really a truth. So I secured some money for my parents, some for emergency and some for rainy days.
3 months later, here I am, in Uttarakhand’s village, volunteering, teaching, helping set up digital presence for an organization, experiencing a rural life,blogging, writing, travelling, hiking, reading, talking to people about their Himalayan lives rather than constantly have someone pin point to me that I am not yet married at 28, despite being a God-favored girl. I am not miserable anymore, despite having no earnings yet, having no fixed plans for the next day. But I have a life! For now, that seems to be enough. If this is my gap year, it is going good!
So yes, it is scary, all the more scarier when nobody really approves of your decision to leave a well set job and life behind, especially in these impossible times, for embracing the unknown. But you have one short life, which is too long if you have too many regrets.
In case you are planning to tweak your life with some major decisions, please know that I am here for you. I may not be the exact help that you need, but from my experience, I can tell you that when everyone is telling you against it, even a couple words of encouragement work wonders.
I will keep sharing my gap year experiences regularly. I have a blog https://www.the-turningpage.com where I write about education, preschools, kids, my life’s lessons etc. Do check it out and let me know your thoughts!